Tracy will be remembered by her family & friends for being a kind hearted soul she always went out of her way to help if she could.

When Tracy was going through radiation treatments for the brain tumor she heard from me about a young boy who was sick & sent him some movie posters, the boy was the 10 year old grandson of a woman I met on a discussion board. ((((Michael & Wanda))))

Tracy was a loving daughter, sister & aunt she is sadly missed by us all, our memories of her will help us to survive this terrible time.

She was a wonderful (step) mom to Jesse & Tori she loved them so much! 



 
    



photos #1. Summer '98
            #2. Spring '04
            #3. Grandkids 2006



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American Brain Tumor Association
http://hope.abta.org/site/PageServer 

American Association of Suicidology
http://www.suicidology.org

Survivors of Suicide
http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/beyond_surviving.shtml

Suicide Survivors Handbook
http://www.suicidology.org/associations/1045/files/SOS_handbook.pdf

Verbal Abuse
http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm


Emotional abuse is a devastating, debilitating heart and soul mutilation. The deepest lasting wound with any abuse is the emotional wound.


If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women's shelter, educate yourself, seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!


Tracy was a smart young woman yet she made mistakes in her life & lost herself in the process. She had told many people that her marriage was a mistake...her family, friends & doctors & therapists but none of us realized how bad it was until it was too late. The doctors & therapists were getting conflicting information so I do not blame them entirely. No matter how smart a woman is for some reason they protect their abuser
backing up their lies and skewed reality.

In doing research on Emotionally Abusive Relationships I have learned that it's a never ending cycle & not so easy to escape. The depression combined with the the emotional abuse is a scary place .  When people play mind games with a person, that person  becomes confused to what reality is...the person they should trust the most is taking abusive advantage of them.

So much of what I have read sounds familiar...it's too late for Tracy but maybe if someone reads these links her *Legacy* will be sparing someone else the pain that she had to suffer for so long.

Emotional Abuse
http://lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

http://www.verbalabuse.com/faq.shtml

"I feel depressed, but my boyfriend/husband doesn't seem to care, and won't help me with it. Is it possible that my depression is being caused by my relationship?"

http://www.preventsuicidenow.com/domestic-violence-and-suicide.html


Key symptoms of a Psychopath/Sociopath:

1. Glib and superficial
2. Egocentric and grandiose
3. Lack of remorse or guilt
4. Lack of empathy
5. Deceitful and manipulative
6. Shallow emotions

Psychopaths can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming. To some people, however, they seem too slick and smooth, too obviously insincere and superficial. Astute observers often get the impression that psychopaths are play-acting, mechanically, "reading their lines".
Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars.

The sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side".

Psychopaths can be very sociable, even though they are antisocial behind their "mask" in the sense that their "emotions" are completely fake. They are masters at manipulating others for their personal gain. Their charm, in fact, is legendary.
Psychopaths are experts at using people. They can ask anything of anyone without embarrassment and because of their outgoing seducing friendliness, their use of "poor innocent me! I am such a GOOD person and I have been treated so BADLY!" the victim invariably gets sucked into giving the psychopath what they ask for - no matter how outrageous.

Psychopaths are masters at faking emotions in order to manipulate others. One psychologist reported that if you actually catch them in the act of committing a crime, or telling a lie, "they will immediately justify their actions by self pity and blaming another, by creating a heart-rending scene of faked emotional feelings." These fake emotions are only for effect, as the careful observer will note. The Psychopath considers getting their way or getting out of trouble using faked emotions as a victory over another person.

Psychopaths are incapable of feeling concern or remorse for the consequences of their actions. They can calmly rationalize their insensitive and bizarre behavior all the while attributing malice to everyone but themselves. When caught in a lie, they will manipulate others or stories to their own advantage without any fear of being found out - even if it is obvious to everyone around them that they WILL be found out.

Psychopaths cannot feel fear for themselves, much less empathy for others. Most normal people, when they are about to do something dangerous, illegal, or immoral, feel a rush of worry, nervousness, or fear. Guilt may overwhelm them and prevent them from even committing the deed. The psychopath feels little or nothing.

The psychopath seems to be full of something akin to deep greed. They manifest this inner state in many ways. One of the most common ways is to steal something of value to their victim (valuables), or to hurt/slander the victim or something or someone the victim loves. In the psychopath's mind, this is justified because the victim crossed him, did not give him what he wanted, or rejected him (or her).

Psychopaths lie for the sake of lying. They can convey the deepest heart-felt message without meaning a word of it. They can also tell the most outrageous stories simply in order to be at the center of attention and to get what they want.

The psychopath is obsessed with control even if they give the impression of being helpless. Their pretense to emotional sensitivity is really part of their control function: The higher the level of belief in the psychopath that can be induced in their victim through their dramas, the more "control" the psychopath believes they have. And in fact, this is true. They DO have control when others believe their lies. Sadly, the degree of belief, the degree of "submission" to this control via false representation, generally produces so much pain when the truth is glimpsed that the victim would prefer to continue in the lie than face the fact that they have been duped. The psychopath counts on this. It is part of their "actuarial calculations." It gives them a feeling of power.

It is all too easy to fall under the spell of the charismatic psychopath. There are many who do the psychopath's bidding without realizing that they have been subtly and cleverly controlled. They can even be manipulated to perform criminal acts, or acts of sabotage against another - innocent - person on behalf of the psychopath. Very often, when this is realized by the victim, that they have caused suffering in innocent people at the behest of a liar, again they prefer to deny this than to face up to the truth of their own perfidy and gullibility.

from "A Natural State of Pschopathy", by Laura Knight-Jadzyk


"About one in 25 individuals are sociopathic, meaning essentially, that they do not have a conscience. It is not that this group fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior. The intellectual difference between right and wrong does not bring on the emotional sirens and flashing blue lights, or the fear of God, that it does for the rest of us. Without the slightest blip of guilt or remorse, one in 25 people can do anything at all.


[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: (Tracy didn't stand a chance if this drivel is the best quote he could find...very sick & evil.)

"Passion both erodes and enhances character in equal measure, and not slowly but instantly, and in such a manner that what is left is not in balance but is thrown desperately out of kilter in both directions. 

The erosion the result of the willingness to do whatever is necessary to obtain the object of one's desire, even if it means engaging in lies or deception or debasing what was once treasured.

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Abuse and violence cross geographical and cultural boundaries and social and economic strata. It is common among the rich and the poor, the well-educated and the less so, the young and the middle-aged, city dwellers and rural folk. It is a universal phenomenon.

Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control.

There are many ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless – is to abuse.

To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore – are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse 


Abuse is a form of long-term torture usually inflicted by one's nearest and dearest. It is a grievous violation of trust and it leads to disorientation, fear, depression, and suicidal ideation.


http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/

NARCISSISTIC/ BORDERLINE CONTROLLERS

At his core, every Controller is monumentally self-centered. He is not just on an ego trip. He is on an expedition. In his mind, everyone orbits around him, as if people are his planets and he is their shining sun. What he wants he should have, simply because he wants it. He needs no other justification. Seeing himself as the center of everyone else's universe, he is blind to the fact that anyone else's wants or needs are more important than his own. Doggedly locked into this self-image of grand, "godlike" proportions, he may literally feel entitled to other's worship.

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RED FLAG ALERT!!!! This is what Gavin de Becker refers to as "forced teaming". It's a tactic used by con artists and sociopaths round the world and back. "It's just you and me against the world, babe!"